Learning the Hard Way: Be open. Be learning. Be all you are meant to be. (Thanksgiving)
- Posted on Nov 28, 2023
Life was great until I realized in High School that something was wrong. Growing up, money was never an issue. My parents enjoyed their careers in health care and were paid well.
I watched my parents sell our “weekend home”. Then, I heard them talk about how “HMO”s refused to cover costs as promised. My parents spoke of being punished for spending more time with their patients than the HMOs gave them permission for. “How can some administrator in another state dictate how many minutes I have with my patient?”
When my parents traveled with me to visit prospective colleges, my mother told me not to worry about cost, but to still “take every scholarship you can get”. I had never heard my parents imply any type of financial scarcity before. Things would never be the same.
Come to find out they were preyed upon by ‘friends’ in a few bad investments, preyed upon by a family member into a bad business deal. This was compounded by turmoil in their day jobs. Specifically, their day jobs were not as lucrative as the healthcare structure dramatically changed. It restructured to push out small private practices like theirs and bring in healthcare conglomerates. These were large companies that restricted care to increase profit. My parents refused to play that game until they literally could no longer afford to keep their offices open.
My parents very reluctantly (and probably too late) closed their private practices. My mother was particularly heartbroken. Her private practice was an award-winning sanctuary for women’s healthcare. Many of her patients traveled out of state to be cared for by her. Instead of accepting the pressure tactics of being ‘voluntold’ into one of the conglomerates, they fought back their own way. They choose to take significant pay cuts instead of “making deals with the devil”.
My mother took a job at a historically black hospital and teaching institution. This worked out better than anticipated because many of my mother’s patients followed her and her new employer was thrilled. These circumstances seemed to cause my father to have a mid-career crisis and it triggered deep reflection. He left radiology and became certified in addictions medicine. His niche specialty area was helping addicted pregnant women have healthy babies. He became a medical director within the Washington DC government. He had found his new calling and saved lives.
Using anger to fuel growth
I started asking questions and learned the hard truth. I learned that money comes, and money goes. All it takes is a major health issue, a failed business, bad business deal, change in the way an industry is run, trusting the wrong people – and things can go downhill fast. Did all this happen for a reason? Relatively speaking, my parents were still able to secure good jobs, yet for our family – letting go of their private practices was devastating. My parents thought they would retire from the practices they worked so hard to build. I should have been more grateful, but at the time I was torn.
I was angry at my parents for “not knowing better”. Eventually, I came to realize that despite their academic and other achievements, that they were still first-generation graduates. They had no mentors or family to teach them how to manage their income. No wise relative to teach them about investing. This is one of the advantages of ‘old wealth’. Old wealth teach their children how to maintain and grow more wealth. For my parents, it was all new and they were learning the hard way.
I didn’t want to be a burden on my parents. I wanted to help. I applied to my choice schools and only considered the offers that had scholarships attached. My first-choice was Sweet Briar College. They offered me a great merit-based scholarship which covered a significant part of tuition. Despite my parents’ financial difficulties at the time, I could not qualify for need-based scholarships. I also finished school in three years, became a resident assistant which gave me spending money, and did a few other things I thought could help.
For example, one thing I did to help was to become a Suze Orman fan.
Back in the day, we didn’t have DVR. If would call my brother Warren and he would record The Suze Orman Show for me on a VHS if I had to miss an episode. I watched The Suze Orman show religiously. I saw her speak in person twice. I read her books and vowed to learn as much as I could so I could talk to my parents intelligently about finances. I was motivated by fear and anger at the time. I was motivated by wanting to help my parents get through this. My parents didn’t know much about investing and finance, so they could not teach me. By watching them, I knew I had to learn on my own.
When I graduated college, I moved into one of our rental houses with my parents. It was small, and my elderly cat had a hard time adjusting. She was so afraid that she hid herself in the chimney. At some point she couldn’t get herself out and we had to pay a chimney cleaner guy to come remove her from it. She was covered in soot, and I took her to the groomer for a bath. I should have taken a picture of his invoice; it said: “got cat out of chimney”.
Our primary home was on the market to be sold. My parents said it was better not to live there while trying to sell. When I asked why, they said it would sell easier if prospective buyers didn’t know it was owned by a black family. When packing up the house, the first things we removed were family photos and other potentially racially identifying items.
Suze Orman, my inspiration
The Suze Orman Show ran on CNBC from 2002-2015. I learned so much. Suze was my money mentor! Because of what she taught me, I was able to help my family. I talked to all my brothers about these things called 529 plans for their kids and they took my advice. With Suze’s help, I found the words I needed to talk to my parents about their end-of-life and related documents. My parents knew about these documents, but it just wasn’t a priority for them. I made it a priority because Suze Orman kept telling me how important these types of things were.
My parents listened to me and got the documents done. Years later, these documents continue to be a blessing. My parents wishes and desires are laid out clear and simple as both have become disabled. The healthcare power of attorney has been instrumental in helping my brothers and I oversee their care. My parents gave us a huge gift by finalizing these documents.
Suze Orman struggled to finish college, had a speech impediment, lived out of her car, and worked as a waitress before becoming wealthy by helping others. In addition to that, she had big dreams. She was scammed out of money her friends loaned her when she wanted to open a restaurant. Eventually she sued the company the scammer worked for and won her money back with interest. She paid back the people who loaned her the money. She downsized her life and continues her financial coaching with a twice weekly podcast.
Suze Orman was my inspiration for getting behind the camera. I experienced how she was able to share her financial expertise with strangers through the television. Suze changed lives and inspired people. I thought I could do something similar with sharing my career management expertise with people through YouTube and online.
Just like money – if you get your money right it makes a HUGE difference in your quality of life and stress levels. Same with your career. The type of career lifestyle you have can make or break your spirit. Your career and your job can either energize or demoralize you. It matters. A lot.
I’m writing this during the season of Thanksgiving. Thinking about the Thanksgiving holiday gives me much to reflect on and be grateful for. I’m grateful that my parents didn’t try to hide the change in their finances from me. They were transparent. Though the conversations were uncomfortable, they didn’t shy away from my questions. This helped me understand the truth. It pushed me to teach myself about personal and business finances. It taught me that not everyone who says they have your best interest, does. It taught me more common sense. This doesn’t mean I haven’t made financial or business mistakes. It means that I am more knowledgeable than I otherwise would have been.
Wealthy Money Culture + Mindset
The powers that be do not teach personal finance and related needed skills in school, for a reason. It doesn’t benefit the status quo to teach it. They rely on “new money” and first-generation money to rise and fall. They don’t want new money wealth to be passed down to the next, often more diverse generations, the way their wealth has the benefit of being passed down.
Wealthy families *know* how to keep their wealth. Income and wealth are not the same. Just because you earn a “good” paycheck, doesn’t’ t mean your children and the generations after you will be set for life. In some cultures, we have been socialized NOT to help our children. “They need to do it themselves; they need to suffer; they need to learn the hard way or you’ll spoil them.”
Whereas the culture of the wealthy is about doing everything they can to set up their children on the abundance path. They deliberately teach their children how to keep their inherited wealth, so they do it the same for their children. Generation after Generation.
Is your money mindset culture where you think you’re ‘helping’ your children by making them start from scratch, so they ‘appreciate’ and ‘learn’ on their own? Or perhaps is your money mindset is more like the wealthy?
Some families are socialized to think that hating your job is normal, but you do it anyway because that’s just ‘what you do’. Some children grow up thinking that being mistreated at work is normal and so they never try to change it when it happens. Whereas wealthy families live off their passive income and spend their time doing exactly what they want to do.
Mindset matters.
Fill your knowledge gap and share
This thanksgiving season is a great time to think deeply about not just what you are thankful for now, but what you want to be thankful for in the future. For me, In the future – I want to be thankful for teaching my children that they need to enjoy their life – all of it – work and play. That it won’t be rainbows, but that joy can still be found in imperfection.
In the future I want to be grateful for the wealth I will pass down to my children and the skills I will teach them so that they can manage it well and leverage it for future generations. I am grateful for my ability to distinguish between enabling and helping.
Not that I have all this ‘wealth’ now and not that I’ve finished teaching my children about cultivating an abundance mindset – but if I imagine I will be grateful for this in the future, I am better able to start and plan NOW to make it happen.
So, what do you want to be thankful for in the future?
Is there a gap in your knowledge that is bringing you down? If it a financial gap? A career gap? A wellness gap? Is there something you know you do NOT know that is negatively impacting you or your family?
Now is the time to do something about this gap. Educate yourself. Stop making excuses. The information is out there. Learn.
Buy a book. Hire a coach. Sign up for a class. Listen to podcasts. Reach out to that family member or friend who’s an expert on that topic.
I took Suze’s advice. I learned from my parent’s experience. All that I learned is mine. The hours of watching The Suze Orman Show. The hours of reading her books. Deeply listening to my parents’ situation. All this knowledge is with me forever.
The benefit of this knowledge I continue to use in my personal life. I use it to be a better business lady. I use it to be a better career consultant and mentor. I use it to be a better strategic thinker and leader at work. I also share this knowledge in my #LoveCareerFreedom and #LoveRemoteFreedom career consulting programs.
When people finally get that good paying job, sometimes they wonder about next steps for all that extra money they have after paying down their debt. I like to share my stories and resources so they can find their own path.
I also share this knowledge for free on my YouTube channel (https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCryZqmOMgDw165L6RoVHgUA).
Keep on, keeping on
Even when I don’t get comments on my videos or I think no one is watching, I just remember what Suze Orman did for me.
I watched this woman for years without ever engaging with her until meeting her in person during one of her speaking events. Sometimes you can help and impact someone’s life SO much and you might never, ever know the impact.
Keep on because you could be helping people whether you know it or not. That’s why and how I can keep, keeping on. Getting likes and comments are encouraging, but they are not what motivates and inspires me.
I’m inspired by my belief and joy in helping others.
I’m motivated by my faith that I am indeed, helping people.
So go out there and find a way to fill in your knowledge gap. If you don’t do it for you, do it for your family.
I created my YouTube as a legacy that can keep giving when I’m gone.
Learning is the gift that keeps giving.
Go out there and help the world be a better place, even if there’s no one to give you a ‘like’ or ‘comment’. Just have faith your intention to help people will be received by someone who needs it because that’s how the Universe works.
That’s how prayers are answered.
That is the power of putting positive energy into the world.
Positive energy will always find its way to someone who is open to it.
Be open. Be learning. Be all you are meant to be.
***
💜 𝗜 𝗮𝗺 𝗘𝗯𝗼𝗻𝘆 𝗖. 𝗣𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗲
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★ Helping LGBTQ+ and BIPOC folks leverage their career for joy and financial freedom via my #lovecareerfreedom and #loveremotefreedom career consulting programs
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